Forgiveness is Not Approval
Colossians 1:21-22, CEB - Once you were alienated
from God and you were enemies with him in your minds, which was shown by your
evil actions. But now he has reconciled
you by his physical body through death, to present you before God as a people
who are holy, faultless, and without blame.
I was called up for jury duty
several years ago. I reported to the
assigned place at the assigned time and was directed to a waiting room. After a bit, a bunch of us were ushered into
a courtroom and after some formalities that I cannot recall, the lawyers for
both sides of the case began asking us questions. The case that they were working to form a
jury for involved a man accused of stealing money from his employer. This was evidently not his first time being
accused of such a crime and it seemed to me that this fact was something very
important to the lawyers. I was in the
second row of potential jurors and they questioned us in order, so I heard many
questions asked before they got to me. It was clear from the questions asked
that the lawyers had at least some basic information about each of us. When it came to be my turn to answer
questions, there were just two. Question
1 was to confirm that my occupation was that of a pastor.
“So you believe in forgiveness
right?,” was the follow-up from the prosecutor.
“I do,” responding before I knew
that I had just eliminated myself as a potential juror.
“Ok, thank you,” she said as she
moved on to the next person.
I can’t be sure of the precise
train-of-thought that the well-dressed woman charged with getting a conviction
of this accused thief, but one thing was clear to me from our exchange. She was not looking for someone who “believed
in” forgiveness to serve on the jury.
Forgiveness, in her mind, would stand in the way of her doing her job. Consequently, I was not chosen for the
jury. To be honest, that had been my
hope when I arrived at the courthouse that morning, but I left that day sad
about how my wish had come true. I was sad because I realized that the
prosecutor was not the only person who had no use for forgiveness.
In my work, I had encountered many
who expressed no desire to forgive things done to them by others. The reasons that are often given betray a
tragic misunderstanding of what forgiveness is and what it is not. So that is where a discussion must begin.
Once forgiveness is understood for what it is and what it isn’t, it will not
only seem much more useful, it will prove to be an essential spiritual,
emotional, and relational technology.
First of all, forgiveness is not approval. I don’t have to approve of what you did in
order to forgive you. In fact, approval
and forgiveness almost never coincide when referencing a harmful act. I say almost never because I can imagine one
scenario where one has done something to me that is harmful, but at some point,
I realize they knowingly harmed me in order to save many others from harm. If I can get to a more mature understanding
of the larger context, I may in fact reach the point where I could say that I
approved of what they did. I might even applaud their ability to make such a
hard decision. However, even if I
approve of their action, my approval does not constitute forgiveness. Approval and forgiveness are two different
things.
If I have to approve of what was
done to harm me, I might never forgive. To my knowledge, the exception I
described above has never occurred in my life.
A similar exception has occurred though.
I have been rejected as a candidate for a job for which I was
applying. The experience was
painful. It was indeed caused by the
decision of the hiring manager. I did
indeed hold the manager responsible for my pain (and I still do). Over time, I was able to forgive him. Part of
what helped me in the forgiveness process is being able to realize that he was
genuinely trying to make the best choice for the job he was responsible for
filling. I forgive him the pain he
caused me, but I still don’t approve of what he did. It is very possible that I’m wrong, but I
still believe I was the best person for the job. Once again forgiveness and
approval are not synonymous.
This should be good news for
many. If I could have explained this to
the prosecutor in my opening story, she would have known that I would have had
no problem finding the defendant guilty of theft if the facts of the case had
supported that verdict. The victims of
all kinds of violence never have to approve of the brutality leveled at
them. Those who have suffered every kind
of injustice never have to approve of their oppressors’ actions. However, it is
possible and I argue, beneficial for all those I just mentioned to forgive
their offenders’ actions of which they will never give approval. It is never necessary to approve of an action
in order to forgive it.
God does not approve of our sins.
Our sins do break our relationship with God.
Because of that, it is necessary for those sins to be forgiven. That is exactly what God has done. But we do not mistake being forgiven for
those mistakes as God saying it was alright to make them. Forgiveness is not approval.
Questions: To what
extent has the line between forgiveness and approval become blurred for you?
Prayer: God, I acknowledge
that without your forgiveness, You and I could not have a relationship. Thank you for your gracious gift of
forgiveness. In response, I will strive
to live a life that meets your approval.
Amen.
Prayer Focus: Pray
for those who are struggling with the consequences of failed relationships
Song: Jesus, Friend
of Sinners – Casting Crowns
