1 Peter 3:9-11, CEB - Don’t pay back evil for evil
or insult for insult. Instead, give blessing in return. You were called to do
this so that you might inherit a blessing. For those who want to love life and
see good days should keep their tongue from evil speaking and their lips from
speaking lies. They should shun evil and do good; seek peace and chase after it.
Forgiveness at it’s very least
provides for more positive outcomes than the alternatives. When I was younger, my policy was to forgive
those who were sorry. If they apologized
(and I was convinced of their sincerity), I could forgive almost anything. But I required an apology if I was going to
forgive. I think many people hold this
policy.
But as I began to study
forgiveness, I began to see the main problem with this approach. If I wait for an apology in order to start
the forgiveness process, I know for sure that there are things I will never
forgive. I know this because the people
who would have given the apology are dead.
Obviously, barring some miraculous visitation, I will never get their
apology. So if I stick with this policy,
forgiveness is impossible in those cases.
There are still other cases where the offender is alive, but it is
highly unlikely that they will ever apologize.
In some of these cases, I know they have no remorse for what they
did. Perhaps, in other cases, the
offender doesn’t even know they hurt me.
If I require an apology or at least remorse, then the offender has the
power to start the forgiveness process, not me.
Here's another problem with
withholding forgiveness. It may feel
powerful to “hold an offense” over someone or even nurse a grudge. Negative emotion is powerful even if it is
negative power. However, holding the
offense in our heart robs me of energy that could be used in a much more
positive way. If someone is not sorry
for hurting me, me choosing not to forgive them is not hurting them; it’s
hurting me. I’m certainly not punishing
the dead with my unforgiveness. Further,
even those who might be in some way punished by me holding the offense over
them are punished along with myself.
That is adding injustice to injustice.
Choosing to forgive whether or not
there is remorse is a decision to take back the power. It is claiming the initiative to do something
about that which has hurt me. It is the
decision to no longer be a victim. It
creates new options for moving beyond the hurts of the past and beginning
anew. If is a life-giving choice instead
of the life-diminishing choice of holding a grudge. It is a way to, as Peter says above, “inherit
a blessing.”
Question: Are there grudges that I am holding onto that
are punishing me more than anyone else?
Prayer: Lord, we
confess that we sometimes struggle with letting go of the past for many
different reasons. No matter the
reasons, help us see the positive options available to us by choosing to
forgive as You do. Amen.
Prayer Focus: Pray for
the victims of domestic violence today.
Song: Forgiveness –
Matthew West
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