Acts 7:59-60, NIV - While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.
The sad
event of the execution of Stephen points out the difference between forgiveness
and reconciliation. While Stephen
forgives with his last words, there
obviously is no reconciliation between himself and the religious leaders
carrying out the stoning that will kill him minutes later. When we do harm (physical, mental/emotional,
or spiritual) to another, we have injured or, in some cases, broken a
relationship. A common misunderstanding
is that forgiveness heals or restores the relationship. It does not.
If reconciliation is the goal, forgiveness is only a necessary step
towards that goal. But reconciliation
is, by and large, the work that takes place after forgiveness has
occurred. But it is so important to
realize that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things.
Take
the very serious example of a physically abused wife. While it is possible for
a woman to forgive the abuse, she in most cases may not want to reconcile the
relationship. A violent spouse is one
that has a problem controlling dangerous and harmful behavior. While it is possible to forgive that
behavior, it is quite another matter to put oneself in a position where the
violence could be repeated. Reconciliation, in this case, would require
extensive work of BOTH PARTIES to rebuild trust in a safe environment and even
then, it may not happen. This
distinguishes the key difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness
only requires the work of the forgiver and reconciliation requires the work of
both parties.
This is a revolutionary idea for
some because of another misunderstanding concerning forgiveness. There are many who believe that in order to
forgive someone, the offender must be sorry.
However, it that were true, it would be the offender who controls when
forgiveness is possible. On the contrary, the person who forgives is
reasserting their power in the wake of an offense committed against them. It does not require the cooperation or even
approval of the offender.
Returning to our example above,
there is often no remorse or willingness to do the extremely hard work of
change on the part of an abusing spouse.
When this is true, the victim of the abuse will remain a victim until
she finds a way to reassert her power.
As we will discuss later, forgiveness is a key component in reasserting
power. Where reconciliation is not an
option on the table, forgiveness always is available.
Applying this principles to God’s
forgiveness, you have been forgiven by God for whatever mistakes you have made
in the past. God did that
unilaterally. However, this does not
imply that you have a relationship with God.
A relationship with God takes God and YOU participating. Though God has initiated the relationship, it
takes your response to confirm it.
Question: How have
you responded to God’s overtures at a relationship with you?
Prayer: God, thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for loving me before I even gave You
a thought. I will respond to your love
in the following ways today:
____________ (fill in the prayer with your responses). Amen.
Prayer Focus: Pray
for non-believers you know today.
Song: Just As I Am –
Carrie Underwood
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