Matthew 18:21-22, NIV - Then Peter came to Jesus
and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins
against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but
seventy-seven times.
This week, we are talking about
what forgiveness is and yesterday, we talked about the starting place of
forgiveness is acknowledging that there was an offense. Forgiveness is awareness.
Next,
forgiveness is a choice. This might seem
obvious to many, but I have been surprised to talk to so many people who are
waiting on the moment when they feel forgiveness. There are reasons for this, for most of us
have had the experience of our feelings changing about something that happened in
the past. The intense feelings
experienced when the event happen somehow fade over time. We get new information about the event that
changes our perspective. For example, the
experience of becoming a parent helped me see much of my childhood from a
different perspective. I feel
differently about things that happened when I was a kid because I have now had
kids of my own. Being on the other side
of that experience has caused my feelings to evolve.
This also
sometimes happens in relationship to situations that require forgiveness. A new perspective and/or new information can
help us feel more ready to forgive. However,
that change in feeling is not forgiveness.
Even with a more receptive heart, forgiveness is still a choice. This will become more evident as we talk
about other aspects of what forgiveness is, but right now, it’s important to
note some other problems with seeing forgiveness as a feeling.
If we
have to wait for a feeling to develop before we can forgive, than there is no
hope for some offenses to ever be forgiven.
New information and new perspective might arise that actually intensify
our feelings of anger and hurt instead of cause those feelings to subside,
pushing us further away from feeling like forgiving. We might not ever get new information or
perspective. In many, if not most cases,
our feelings about the offense may never change, which leads us to our next
problem with forgiveness as a feeling.
Forgiveness
is not passive. In the passage above,
Peter asks Jesus how many times he must forgive an offender. The question itself assumes that forgiveness
is a choice. Peter wants to know how
many times he must make that choice before it alright to make the different choice
not to forgive a repeat offender.
Without getting into biblical numerology, let me just say that Jesus’s
answer effectively means “as many times as there are offenses.” Jesus says this because forgiveness is a
choice to free oneself from the entanglement created by the sins committed against
us. It is to claim the victory that
Jesus Himself has won over sin in our particular situation. God doesn’t get entangled in our sin because
God chooses to forgive it. God never
gets to the point where God says, “well, that’s it; I’m done forgiving.” God’s eternal “yes” to the question, “will I
forgive this time?” is never negated by our propensity to keep sinning. Jesus essentially says to Peter, “you don’t
want to stay entangled with others’ sin anymore than God does.” Forgiveness is not only always a choice; it
is always the best choice.
Actively
choosing to forgive begins to break the hold that the offenses others have committed
against us have on our hearts. It can
and often does begin to change the seemingly intractable negative feelings we
have about what has been done to us. Instead
of passively waiting for forgiveness to move into our emotion, we can choose to
actively move toward our own healing and freedom from the past. This choice opens up more possibilities than
we had before.
Question: Are there offenses
others have committed against you that you have been waiting to feel
differently about?
Prayer: Thank you,
Gracious God, for always choosing to forgive us. Making that choice ourselves sometimes seems
impossible. Help us see the way toward
making the choice to forgive as well.
Amen.
Prayer Focus: Pray
for God to bless someone who you currently hold resentment toward.
Song: Losing – Tenth Avenue
North
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