What Forgiveness IS – The Beginning
Proverbs 28:13, The Message - You can’t whitewash
your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them.
For the
last several reflections, we’ve talked about many misunderstandings about forgiveness
– what forgiveness is NOT. Today we
begin talking about what it IS. Forgiveness
begins with an awareness that an offense has taken place. This may seem so obvious that it doesn’t even
merit mentioning, but stay with me for a moment. When we talked about the many things forgiveness
is not, we began with a denial that anything wrong has taken place.
I have
received numerous apologies over the course of my life where I perceived no
offense. When the person says, “I’m
sorry,” my sincere response was “for
what?” When they describe what they had
done, I see that I was neither hurt or offended by their actions. There is no need for forgiveness, because
they have done nothing to me that merits forgiveness. I have also been on the other side of these
incidents. I had legitimately thought
that I needed to apologize, so I did and asked for forgiveness. The person was surprised at the apology (because
they had not been hurt of offended) and responded to me, “there is nothing to
forgive.” They were right. No offense = no forgiveness needed. No harm, no foul.
Some might argue that this is splitting
hairs, but I believe this distinction is important. What I have given to the people who were
apologizing (and what people have given to me when I was apologizing) is simple
grace. Let’s reserve forgiveness for
times when forgiveness is actually needed.
We risk watering down the substantial nature of forgiveness when we do
otherwise.
Here's another reason why
forgiveness begins with acknowledgement of an offense. How many times have you heard someone say, “it
was nothing.” Often, when someone says
this, they are responding to something that someone did that was hurtful in
some way. They say “it is nothing” to dismiss
the issue when the reality is that they were indeed hurt by what was done. The person whose was hurt may have several
possible reasons for trying to dismiss the issue such as embarrassment, fear, or
avoidance of conflict. Nevertheless, it
WASN’T nothing. An offense took place
and forgiveness isn’t possible when the would-be forgiver doesn’t acknowledge
that something is wrong. It is not even necessary
for the offender to acknowledge the offense, but the forgiver can only forgive
something that was truly an offense. It’s
essential to admit the need to forgive someone before one can begin the process
of forgiving.
Question: What is the
difference between forgiveness and “simple grace” to you?
Prayer: Lord, you don’t
overlook our sin as if it was not sin.
You call it what it is AND THEN, you forgive us. Help us to be more like you. Amen.
Prayer Focus: Pray
for law and policy makers today as they try deal with the current challenges of
our day.
Song: Forgiveness –
TobyMac (featuring LeCrae)
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