Forgiveness is Not Justice

Isaiah 61:8, CEB - I, the Lord, love justice…

 

Psalm 130:3-4, CEB - If you kept track of sins, Lord—my Lord, who would stand a chance?  But forgiveness is with you—that’s why you are honored

 

    “I can’t forgive her! If I did, that would be the same as saying what she did is okay.”  While this kind of logic is understandable, it betrays the true nature of forgiveness.  In order for forgiveness to be necessary, there has to be an offense.  If there is an offense, it follows that that what happened was NOT okay.  To forgive an offense does not neutralize a transgression.

    This highlights the distinction between forgiveness and justice.  They are not mutually exclusive.  We can pursue justice and forgiveness at the same time.  In fact, pursuing one without the other diminishes both.  If we pursue justice without forgiveness, it sows seeds of more injustice.  If we pursue forgiveness at the expense of justice, it sows fertile ground for more offenses to be committed where even more forgiveness will be needed.  But more importantly, if we pursue justice and forgiveness together, both the process of forgiveness and the arc of justice are strengthened.  I am better able to let go of an offense if I know that as I do, the seeds of justice have been planted.  Likewise, as I pursue justice, I feel even better about the result if at the same time forgiveness takes place.  The newfound justice stands on more solid ground than it would without forgiveness.

    However, it is important to note once again that while the processes of justice and forgiveness can help one another, they are still separate pursuits.  An offender can receive a just punishment for their ,crime and while their sentence may provide some sense of justice for victims, that vindication does not equate to forgiveness.  The offender cannot be punished enough to make forgiveness occur.   Likewise, forgiving someone will not equate to justice served.  To say it more simply, forgiveness does not “right” a “wrong.”

    The Hebrew notion of shalom (often translated peace) includes both forgiveness and justice.  A more literal translation of shalom would be “right relationship” among all people.  This implies that there is justice and forgiveness present.  Transgressions are forgiven, but restorative justice is also applied to rebuild just relationships between all people.  The cumulative effect is multiplied because justice makes forgiveness easier and forgiveness increases the possibility to work toward justice.  Wrongdoers can be both forgiven and held accountable under shalom.

 

Question:  What is the relationship between justice and forgiveness for you?

 

Prayer:  God, when it comes to our sin, we like to focus on your forgiving nature while downplaying your just nature.  Help us not to make that mistake.  Help us to accept your forgiveness and your just correction. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for those who have suffered because of others’ “-isms” (racism, sexism, ageism, etc.)

 

Song:  Letter to Eve – Pete Seeger – Great old song about this relationship between love/forgiveness and justice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ShOQakO7Eg

Forgiveness is a Process

 

1 John 1:8-9, The Message -  If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.

 

Forgiveness is most often not an event

Movies, books, love songs and other media often characterize forgiveness as a moment.  After an eternity of fighting and struggle, the two estranged friends or lovers have a profound experience that enables them to see the world and their relationship in a different way.  They realize their feud has been senseless and then there is a touching moment of forgiveness – the actual words “I forgive you,” an embrace, a kiss or some combination of the three. The reality of forgiveness is mostly less dramatic and much more difficult.  Calling forgiveness a process or a journey is more generally accurate.

It’s not that it can’t happen in a moment, but that’s the exception. In Paul Young’s The Shack, God the Father is answering a question Mac has about this process:

“You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely.”

Even the way God’s forgiveness seems to be more of a process than a specific moment in time.  God’s forgiveness is instantaneous, but our acceptance of that forgiveness is almost always a gradual embrace.  Typically, our cognitive assent to the idea that God does indeed forgive our sins precedes our actual experience of feeling fully forgiven.  God’s grace is surprising.  It does not feel natural that God would not hold our sins against us or “remember them no more” as we talked about yesterday.  We may have to remind ourselves that the grace has indeed been given to us.  In fact, my encouragement to you today is adopt the practice of reminding yourself that God has forgiven you. 

                At the end of each day, as you reflect on the last 24 hours, take a solemn moment before you close your eyes and actually say the words, “God has forgiven all of my sin, thanks be to God.”  I will warn you.  If you never done this, it will feel awkward at first, maybe even disingenuous.  But stay with it.  It begin to make it’s way into your mind and heart.  It’s a process.  Let God’s forgiveness soak in at the end of each day.  See how it changes your outlook.

 

Question:  How deeply do you trust that God has indeed forgiven you of all sins?

 

Prayer:  God, You have forgiven all of my sin, thanks and praise be to You.  Help me believe in and trust your forgiveness. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for each of your household members today.  If you live alone, pray for your closest neighbors.   Amen.

 

Song:  Forgiven – Crowder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZWEO36jok

Forgive and Remember

 

Jeremiah 31:34 and Hebrews 8:12 (Both NIV) - “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

 

In both scriptures above, God is speaking. The author of Hebrews is actually quoting Jeremiah.  This scripture forms the basis for the assertion that one should forgive and forget. After all, if God does both, shouldn’t we? 

There are multiple problems with this prescription. First, let me say that I do not for one moment believe that God literally forgets human sin. The phrase “never again remember” can also be translated “wipe the slate clean.”  The idea being conveyed here is that when God forgives, the books are erased.  God chooses to eliminate the possibility of the offense being used against the forgiven again.  The scripture is trying to communicate that God doesn’t hold grudges.  Human beings need not worry that God is going to say to us someday, “remember that day you used my name in a profane way; it’s time for you pay for that.”  God chooses not to “remember” sins in that punitive way. 

Furthermore, even if God did, in fact, forget offenses, to do the same would be a very bad idea for humans. A parent who forgets that a child has a pattern of repeatedly making the same mistake would not be able to help the child adopt a different and healthier pattern.  Because Dad knows the Junior has snuck cookies from the pantry many times before, Dad might choose to put the cookies out of reach.  Even if it were possible for Dad to forget about the cookie theft, to do so would be to invite more cookie theft.  It’s good for Dad to forgive Junior, but it’s irresponsible to forget.

“Forgetfulness” of this sort could even be dangerous.  Indulge me in this thought experiment. Imagine a young girl named Sara that has no short-term memory.  Five minutes after something happens, Sara cannot remember it.   Now imagine Sara is bullied by an older girl Mara at the bus stop each morning.  Mara has learned about Sara’s condition and takes great advantage of it.  Sara arrives at school each morning with no explanation for the bruises on her arms and her missing lunch money.  Because Sara has “forgotten” what happened, each day she returns to the bus stop for more cruelty. 

While Sara’s victimization is fictitious and the details are unlikely, it illustrates the problem with “forgive and forget.”  While Sara can forgive Mara, it would be much safer and healthier for her to forgive and remember.  The Hebrew idea of remembrance is to bring the past into the present again.  It is precisely this idea that we invoke when during communion, a pastor quotes the words of Jesus, “do this in remembrance of Me.”  These words are meant to bring what Christ did for humanity in the cross into the present again.  His broken body and His shed blood are tangibly brought into the present in the bread and wine/juice.  While this a powerful use of “remembering,” doing the same with past offenses perpetuates the pain.  When Jesus, on the cross, asks God to “forgive” those who put Him there, He is asking God to “remember their sins no more.”  The slate is wiped clean.  God has not forgotten our sin.  He simply chooses not to use it against us.  The sin is “dismembered” instead of “remembered.”  This is what our goal in forgiving is as well, but we’ll talk about that at a later date.

 

Question:  What does it mean to you that God has chosen to “remember your sins no more?”

 

Prayer:  Lord, you know all of my mistakes.  I marvel that knowing all of that, you still love me as if I had never sinned.  Thank you for choosing not to use my past against me.  Help me live into a much better future where I more closely follow your perfect ways.  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for victims of unjust violence today.

 

Song:  East to West – Casting Crowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnkkZLdjf9Y

Forgiveness Does Not Remove Consequences

Genesis 3:23, NIV - So the Lord God banished [Adam] from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

 

Proverbs 3:11-12, NIV - My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in

 

Though God did forgive Adam for disobedience, there were still consequences.  Forgiving someone does not remove natural or imposed consequences of the offending action.  As Rob Bell has said, “You can forgive someone and call the police.”  Obviously, many actions have consequences that are natural and cannot be removed.  For instance, imagine a situation where a friend had agreed to pick you up in his car to take you to a job interview. He doesn’t show up, and consequently you miss the interview and your chance to get the job is lost.  Forgiving that friend is certainly possible, but getting another interview for the same job is not.  The consequence cannot be avoided, but forgiveness is still a possibility.

                There are other instances where you may choose to forgive but also impose consequences.  In the job interview situation above, you may decide to never accept a ride from the friend when something important like a job interview is at stake.  You have imposed that consequence, but that does not preclude the choice you make to forgive your forgetful friend.  Even if you, at a later date, decide to remove that consequence and give your friend another chance, that decision is still separate from the decision to forgive. What is important to note here is that whether the consequences are natural or imposed, they are a separate issue from forgiveness.  When consequences are removed, it is often called a pardon, as is the case with a Presidential Pardon.  The President often pardons people who have previously been convicted of crimes and consequences have been imposed.  While the person receiving such a pardon has the consequences removed, the people hurt by their crime are not forced to forgive the person. The forgiveness and the pardon are independent from each other.

                As a good parent does with errant children, God often imposes consequences in hopes of correcting unhealthy behavior.  It’s important to note that consequences, when imposed wisely, are never given for the purpose of hurting or punishing the other.  God and good parents are interested not in hurting, but helping the straying child.  Being on the receiving end of helpful impositions is not pleasant, but trusting that God is trying to help us can make the “pill” easier to swallow. 

 

Question:  Can you think of a time when consequences for a mistake you made helped you in the long run?

 

Prayer:  God, thank you for loving us enough to care about when make mistakes.  Help me see the places in my life where I need correction and the grace to accept that correction when it is offered. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for God to give wisdom to people facing an important decision.

 

Song:  Good, Good Father

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ak0OoFBw3c

Forgiveness is NOT Restored Trust

 

Luke 16:10-12, NIV - “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.  So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?  And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?

 

Forgiveness is not a restoration of trust.  A restoration of trust is often equated with forgiveness and this is a mistake.  Often people shun the possibility of forgiving another because they mistakenly believe that to do so would constitute a choice to trust them again.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Trust has to earned where forgiveness can be offered to even an untrustworthy recipient.   You can forgive someone who you probably will never trust again.  Nothing is required from the offender to be forgiven, but reestablishing trust will require much work by both parties.  Because this is true, offering forgiveness to someone often involves setting boundaries with them at the same time. We will say much more about this in future reflections.

Being forgiven by God does not mean we have been trusted by God with things we were trusted with once before.  Even with God, trust has to earned and broken trust has to be earned again.  God’s forgiveness can and should prompt us to move toward trustworthiness, but we do indeed have to put in the work.  Building trust is the work of all relationships with God and people.  God is constantly building trust with us by keeping promises, taking care of us, and always telling us the truth.  God forgives us for breaking our trust with God, but the rebuilding of trust is our role in the relationship.  We will find that, as we do this in little ways, we will be trusted with more. 

 

Question:  What is an area where you realize that you need to build up trustworthiness with God?

 

Prayer:  Thank you God for always being trustworthy and keeping your promises.  Mold my spirit to be more like you that I might build trust with you and others. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for people in prison today for crimes they did not commit.

 

Song:  Imagine this song as a message from God

Honesty – Billy Joel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFScoO4tb0

Forgiveness is NOT Reconciliation

 

Acts 7:59-60, NIV - While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

 

                The sad event of the execution of Stephen points out the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.   While Stephen forgives with his last words,  there obviously is no reconciliation between himself and the religious leaders carrying out the stoning that will kill him minutes later.  When we do harm (physical, mental/emotional, or spiritual) to another, we have injured or, in some cases, broken a relationship.  A common misunderstanding is that forgiveness heals or restores the relationship.  It does not.  If reconciliation is the goal, forgiveness is only a necessary step towards that goal.  But reconciliation is, by and large, the work that takes place after forgiveness has occurred.  But it is so important to realize that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. 

                Take the very serious example of a physically abused wife. While it is possible for a woman to forgive the abuse, she in most cases may not want to reconcile the relationship.  A violent spouse is one that has a problem controlling dangerous and harmful behavior.  While it is possible to forgive that behavior, it is quite another matter to put oneself in a position where the violence could be repeated. Reconciliation, in this case, would require extensive work of BOTH PARTIES to rebuild trust in a safe environment and even then, it may not happen.  This distinguishes the key difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness only requires the work of the forgiver and reconciliation requires the work of both parties. 

This is a revolutionary idea for some because of another misunderstanding concerning forgiveness.  There are many who believe that in order to forgive someone, the offender must be sorry.  However, it that were true, it would be the offender who controls when forgiveness is possible. On the contrary, the person who forgives is reasserting their power in the wake of an offense committed against them.  It does not require the cooperation or even approval of the offender. 

Returning to our example above, there is often no remorse or willingness to do the extremely hard work of change on the part of an abusing spouse.  When this is true, the victim of the abuse will remain a victim until she finds a way to reassert her power.  As we will discuss later, forgiveness is a key component in reasserting power.  Where reconciliation is not an option on the table, forgiveness always is available.

Applying this principles to God’s forgiveness, you have been forgiven by God for whatever mistakes you have made in the past.  God did that unilaterally.  However, this does not imply that you have a relationship with God.  A relationship with God takes God and YOU participating.  Though God has initiated the relationship, it takes your response to confirm it.

 

Question:  How have you responded to God’s overtures at a relationship with you?

 

Prayer:    God, thank you for your forgiveness.  Thank you for loving me before I even gave You a thought.  I will respond to your love in the following ways today:  ____________ (fill in the prayer with your responses).  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for non-believers you know today. 

 

Song:  Just As I Am – Carrie Underwood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRbrK6Pydgs

Forgiveness Does Not Minimize the Seriousness of Sin(s)

 

Psalm 38:3-4, The Message

I’ve lost twenty pounds in two months

    because of your accusation.

My bones are brittle as dry sticks

    because of my sin.

I’m swamped by my bad behavior,

    collapsed under an avalanche of guilt.

 

                I encourage you to read all of Psalm 38 today even though I just included a couple of verses of it above. It is a poignant description of how devastating sin can be upon a soul.  You can sense David’s pain as he reflects on the effects his mistakes have had upon his life and well-being.  This brings up another important clarification concerning forgiveness.  Forgiveness does no in any way minimize the seriousness of our sin.  God’s forgiveness of us does not instantly make the sin in our life not so bad.

                Forgiveness is not an excusal, minimization, or justification of a wrong.  It is not calling a wrong right or even okay.  From time to time, people have apologized to me for something they did that was hurtful and my minimizing response is “it’s okay.”  That’s not forgiveness.  That’s me trying to eliminate the uncomfortable feeling between me and the offender. I am guilty of bringing out this imposter of forgiveness often because I want the discomfort to go away.  But all too often, the offense continues to hurt me after I have said that “it’s okay.”  In fact, I have noticed that sometimes, it’s even worse because now I have told the offender that their offense was “okay” and they may even feel forgiven.

The problem is that no forgiveness has actually taken place.  The offender believes she is forgiven and yet, I am still holding onto the offense. It is precisely because something happened that was not okay that forgiveness is needed.  Forgiveness is the technology we use to move through and beyond the wrong that has occurred.  Forgiveness makes a healed and restored life possible after the offense.  Even after we have received God’s forgiveness, God does not look back at what happened and say, “that was ok.”  Because it was NOT okay, God chose to forgive. 

God has forgiven your sin.  That promise is made dozens of times in scripture.  However, the expectation is that, as we accept God’s forgiveness, we also accept God’s help in moving away from the sin that entangled us.  Forgiveness is given so that we may be free and we have a role to play in our freedom.  We work to replace the unhealthy habits in our life with life-giving habits that God teaches us.

 

Questions:  Have you been able to accept God’s forgiveness for past mistakes?  In what way are you moving away from those mistakes?

 

Prayer:  Like David Lord, our sins have caused us and are causing us pain.  Help us accept your forgiveness and help us know what steps we can make to move toward life as you have taught us. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for the families of people who have committed suicide.

 

Song:  Take Time To Be Holy – Mormon Tabernacle Choir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYLpkRT5Nzw