“I’ve Forgiven Them; Why Does It Still Hurt?”

 

Genesis 45:1-2, CEB - Joseph could no longer control himself in front of all his attendants, so he declared, “Everyone, leave now!” So no one stayed with him when he revealed his identity to his brothers. 2 He wept so loudly that the Egyptians and Pharaoh’s household heard him.

 

“I’ve forgiven them; why do I still feel the pain?”  This question gives insight into the difference between forgiveness and healing.   This difference can sometimes be hard to discern. Forgiving another is often an important part of a healing process. Likewise, experiencing a sense of healing can make it easier to begin to forgive another.   Nevertheless, healing and forgiveness are not the same things.  Making the choice to forgive someone does not automatically remove the pain they caused or heal the wound.   Forgiveness and healing processes often overlap, but it is important to understand they are different processes.  Thinking they are the same leads to obstacles to both.

In the moment captured above in Genesis 45, Joseph is reunited with his brothers years after those same brothers sold him into slavery and told their father Jacob that Joseph was dead.  Joeseph has forgiven them, but still, great emotion rises up in him seeing their faces again.  Joseph had forgiven his brothers, but the wounds they caused had not fully healed.  Forgiving his brothers no doubt helped Joseph’s healing process but the forgiveness was separate process. 

Sometimes, it’s easy to think that because we have made the decision to forgive someone, we will automatically heal.  While we can’t rule out the possibility that God can heal us in an instant, most often, healing takes time.  Just as physical wounds don’t heal instantaneously, spiritual and emotional wounds usually heal slowly.  Because this is true, sometimes we need to begin to heal before we are ready to think about forgiving the offender.  Forgiveness can help healing and healing can help forgiveness.  They make good partners.

 

Questions:  As you think about wounds you have suffered from others, reflect on these questions: (1) have you made the decision to forgive the offender?  (2) How has your decision to forgive or not forgive affected your ability to heal?  (3) What feels like a next logical step in your healing and/or forgiveness processes?

 

Prayer:  Forgiving God, teach me how to forgive like you do.  Heal my heart and spirit of the wounds of the past.  Give me wisdom on what steps to take next.  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  As you go through your day today, pray for God to bless people you come in contact with.

 

Song:  Heart of the Matter – Don Henley

https://vimeo.com/606078937

Forgiveness is Not Justice

Isaiah 61:8, CEB - I, the Lord, love justice…

 

Psalm 130:3-4, CEB - If you kept track of sins, Lord—my Lord, who would stand a chance?  But forgiveness is with you—that’s why you are honored

 

    “I can’t forgive her! If I did, that would be the same as saying what she did is okay.”  While this kind of logic is understandable, it betrays the true nature of forgiveness.  In order for forgiveness to be necessary, there has to be an offense.  If there is an offense, it follows that that what happened was NOT okay.  To forgive an offense does not neutralize a transgression.

    This highlights the distinction between forgiveness and justice.  They are not mutually exclusive.  We can pursue justice and forgiveness at the same time.  In fact, pursuing one without the other diminishes both.  If we pursue justice without forgiveness, it sows seeds of more injustice.  If we pursue forgiveness at the expense of justice, it sows fertile ground for more offenses to be committed where even more forgiveness will be needed.  But more importantly, if we pursue justice and forgiveness together, both the process of forgiveness and the arc of justice are strengthened.  I am better able to let go of an offense if I know that as I do, the seeds of justice have been planted.  Likewise, as I pursue justice, I feel even better about the result if at the same time forgiveness takes place.  The newfound justice stands on more solid ground than it would without forgiveness.

    However, it is important to note once again that while the processes of justice and forgiveness can help one another, they are still separate pursuits.  An offender can receive a just punishment for their ,crime and while their sentence may provide some sense of justice for victims, that vindication does not equate to forgiveness.  The offender cannot be punished enough to make forgiveness occur.   Likewise, forgiving someone will not equate to justice served.  To say it more simply, forgiveness does not “right” a “wrong.”

    The Hebrew notion of shalom (often translated peace) includes both forgiveness and justice.  A more literal translation of shalom would be “right relationship” among all people.  This implies that there is justice and forgiveness present.  Transgressions are forgiven, but restorative justice is also applied to rebuild just relationships between all people.  The cumulative effect is multiplied because justice makes forgiveness easier and forgiveness increases the possibility to work toward justice.  Wrongdoers can be both forgiven and held accountable under shalom.

 

Question:  What is the relationship between justice and forgiveness for you?

 

Prayer:  God, when it comes to our sin, we like to focus on your forgiving nature while downplaying your just nature.  Help us not to make that mistake.  Help us to accept your forgiveness and your just correction. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for those who have suffered because of others’ “-isms” (racism, sexism, ageism, etc.)

 

Song:  Letter to Eve – Pete Seeger – Great old song about this relationship between love/forgiveness and justice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ShOQakO7Eg

Forgiveness is a Process

 

1 John 1:8-9, The Message -  If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.

 

Forgiveness is most often not an event

Movies, books, love songs and other media often characterize forgiveness as a moment.  After an eternity of fighting and struggle, the two estranged friends or lovers have a profound experience that enables them to see the world and their relationship in a different way.  They realize their feud has been senseless and then there is a touching moment of forgiveness – the actual words “I forgive you,” an embrace, a kiss or some combination of the three. The reality of forgiveness is mostly less dramatic and much more difficult.  Calling forgiveness a process or a journey is more generally accurate.

It’s not that it can’t happen in a moment, but that’s the exception. In Paul Young’s The Shack, God the Father is answering a question Mac has about this process:

“You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely.”

Even the way God’s forgiveness seems to be more of a process than a specific moment in time.  God’s forgiveness is instantaneous, but our acceptance of that forgiveness is almost always a gradual embrace.  Typically, our cognitive assent to the idea that God does indeed forgive our sins precedes our actual experience of feeling fully forgiven.  God’s grace is surprising.  It does not feel natural that God would not hold our sins against us or “remember them no more” as we talked about yesterday.  We may have to remind ourselves that the grace has indeed been given to us.  In fact, my encouragement to you today is adopt the practice of reminding yourself that God has forgiven you. 

                At the end of each day, as you reflect on the last 24 hours, take a solemn moment before you close your eyes and actually say the words, “God has forgiven all of my sin, thanks be to God.”  I will warn you.  If you never done this, it will feel awkward at first, maybe even disingenuous.  But stay with it.  It begin to make it’s way into your mind and heart.  It’s a process.  Let God’s forgiveness soak in at the end of each day.  See how it changes your outlook.

 

Question:  How deeply do you trust that God has indeed forgiven you of all sins?

 

Prayer:  God, You have forgiven all of my sin, thanks and praise be to You.  Help me believe in and trust your forgiveness. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for each of your household members today.  If you live alone, pray for your closest neighbors.   Amen.

 

Song:  Forgiven – Crowder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_ZWEO36jok

Forgive and Remember

 

Jeremiah 31:34 and Hebrews 8:12 (Both NIV) - “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

 

In both scriptures above, God is speaking. The author of Hebrews is actually quoting Jeremiah.  This scripture forms the basis for the assertion that one should forgive and forget. After all, if God does both, shouldn’t we? 

There are multiple problems with this prescription. First, let me say that I do not for one moment believe that God literally forgets human sin. The phrase “never again remember” can also be translated “wipe the slate clean.”  The idea being conveyed here is that when God forgives, the books are erased.  God chooses to eliminate the possibility of the offense being used against the forgiven again.  The scripture is trying to communicate that God doesn’t hold grudges.  Human beings need not worry that God is going to say to us someday, “remember that day you used my name in a profane way; it’s time for you pay for that.”  God chooses not to “remember” sins in that punitive way. 

Furthermore, even if God did, in fact, forget offenses, to do the same would be a very bad idea for humans. A parent who forgets that a child has a pattern of repeatedly making the same mistake would not be able to help the child adopt a different and healthier pattern.  Because Dad knows the Junior has snuck cookies from the pantry many times before, Dad might choose to put the cookies out of reach.  Even if it were possible for Dad to forget about the cookie theft, to do so would be to invite more cookie theft.  It’s good for Dad to forgive Junior, but it’s irresponsible to forget.

“Forgetfulness” of this sort could even be dangerous.  Indulge me in this thought experiment. Imagine a young girl named Sara that has no short-term memory.  Five minutes after something happens, Sara cannot remember it.   Now imagine Sara is bullied by an older girl Mara at the bus stop each morning.  Mara has learned about Sara’s condition and takes great advantage of it.  Sara arrives at school each morning with no explanation for the bruises on her arms and her missing lunch money.  Because Sara has “forgotten” what happened, each day she returns to the bus stop for more cruelty. 

While Sara’s victimization is fictitious and the details are unlikely, it illustrates the problem with “forgive and forget.”  While Sara can forgive Mara, it would be much safer and healthier for her to forgive and remember.  The Hebrew idea of remembrance is to bring the past into the present again.  It is precisely this idea that we invoke when during communion, a pastor quotes the words of Jesus, “do this in remembrance of Me.”  These words are meant to bring what Christ did for humanity in the cross into the present again.  His broken body and His shed blood are tangibly brought into the present in the bread and wine/juice.  While this a powerful use of “remembering,” doing the same with past offenses perpetuates the pain.  When Jesus, on the cross, asks God to “forgive” those who put Him there, He is asking God to “remember their sins no more.”  The slate is wiped clean.  God has not forgotten our sin.  He simply chooses not to use it against us.  The sin is “dismembered” instead of “remembered.”  This is what our goal in forgiving is as well, but we’ll talk about that at a later date.

 

Question:  What does it mean to you that God has chosen to “remember your sins no more?”

 

Prayer:  Lord, you know all of my mistakes.  I marvel that knowing all of that, you still love me as if I had never sinned.  Thank you for choosing not to use my past against me.  Help me live into a much better future where I more closely follow your perfect ways.  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for victims of unjust violence today.

 

Song:  East to West – Casting Crowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnkkZLdjf9Y

Forgiveness Does Not Remove Consequences

Genesis 3:23, NIV - So the Lord God banished [Adam] from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.

 

Proverbs 3:11-12, NIV - My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in

 

Though God did forgive Adam for disobedience, there were still consequences.  Forgiving someone does not remove natural or imposed consequences of the offending action.  As Rob Bell has said, “You can forgive someone and call the police.”  Obviously, many actions have consequences that are natural and cannot be removed.  For instance, imagine a situation where a friend had agreed to pick you up in his car to take you to a job interview. He doesn’t show up, and consequently you miss the interview and your chance to get the job is lost.  Forgiving that friend is certainly possible, but getting another interview for the same job is not.  The consequence cannot be avoided, but forgiveness is still a possibility.

                There are other instances where you may choose to forgive but also impose consequences.  In the job interview situation above, you may decide to never accept a ride from the friend when something important like a job interview is at stake.  You have imposed that consequence, but that does not preclude the choice you make to forgive your forgetful friend.  Even if you, at a later date, decide to remove that consequence and give your friend another chance, that decision is still separate from the decision to forgive. What is important to note here is that whether the consequences are natural or imposed, they are a separate issue from forgiveness.  When consequences are removed, it is often called a pardon, as is the case with a Presidential Pardon.  The President often pardons people who have previously been convicted of crimes and consequences have been imposed.  While the person receiving such a pardon has the consequences removed, the people hurt by their crime are not forced to forgive the person. The forgiveness and the pardon are independent from each other.

                As a good parent does with errant children, God often imposes consequences in hopes of correcting unhealthy behavior.  It’s important to note that consequences, when imposed wisely, are never given for the purpose of hurting or punishing the other.  God and good parents are interested not in hurting, but helping the straying child.  Being on the receiving end of helpful impositions is not pleasant, but trusting that God is trying to help us can make the “pill” easier to swallow. 

 

Question:  Can you think of a time when consequences for a mistake you made helped you in the long run?

 

Prayer:  God, thank you for loving us enough to care about when make mistakes.  Help me see the places in my life where I need correction and the grace to accept that correction when it is offered. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for God to give wisdom to people facing an important decision.

 

Song:  Good, Good Father

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ak0OoFBw3c

Forgiveness is NOT Restored Trust

 

Luke 16:10-12, NIV - “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.  So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?  And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?

 

Forgiveness is not a restoration of trust.  A restoration of trust is often equated with forgiveness and this is a mistake.  Often people shun the possibility of forgiving another because they mistakenly believe that to do so would constitute a choice to trust them again.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Trust has to earned where forgiveness can be offered to even an untrustworthy recipient.   You can forgive someone who you probably will never trust again.  Nothing is required from the offender to be forgiven, but reestablishing trust will require much work by both parties.  Because this is true, offering forgiveness to someone often involves setting boundaries with them at the same time. We will say much more about this in future reflections.

Being forgiven by God does not mean we have been trusted by God with things we were trusted with once before.  Even with God, trust has to earned and broken trust has to be earned again.  God’s forgiveness can and should prompt us to move toward trustworthiness, but we do indeed have to put in the work.  Building trust is the work of all relationships with God and people.  God is constantly building trust with us by keeping promises, taking care of us, and always telling us the truth.  God forgives us for breaking our trust with God, but the rebuilding of trust is our role in the relationship.  We will find that, as we do this in little ways, we will be trusted with more. 

 

Question:  What is an area where you realize that you need to build up trustworthiness with God?

 

Prayer:  Thank you God for always being trustworthy and keeping your promises.  Mold my spirit to be more like you that I might build trust with you and others. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for people in prison today for crimes they did not commit.

 

Song:  Imagine this song as a message from God

Honesty – Billy Joel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFScoO4tb0

Forgiveness is NOT Reconciliation

 

Acts 7:59-60, NIV - While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.

 

                The sad event of the execution of Stephen points out the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.   While Stephen forgives with his last words,  there obviously is no reconciliation between himself and the religious leaders carrying out the stoning that will kill him minutes later.  When we do harm (physical, mental/emotional, or spiritual) to another, we have injured or, in some cases, broken a relationship.  A common misunderstanding is that forgiveness heals or restores the relationship.  It does not.  If reconciliation is the goal, forgiveness is only a necessary step towards that goal.  But reconciliation is, by and large, the work that takes place after forgiveness has occurred.  But it is so important to realize that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. 

                Take the very serious example of a physically abused wife. While it is possible for a woman to forgive the abuse, she in most cases may not want to reconcile the relationship.  A violent spouse is one that has a problem controlling dangerous and harmful behavior.  While it is possible to forgive that behavior, it is quite another matter to put oneself in a position where the violence could be repeated. Reconciliation, in this case, would require extensive work of BOTH PARTIES to rebuild trust in a safe environment and even then, it may not happen.  This distinguishes the key difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness only requires the work of the forgiver and reconciliation requires the work of both parties. 

This is a revolutionary idea for some because of another misunderstanding concerning forgiveness.  There are many who believe that in order to forgive someone, the offender must be sorry.  However, it that were true, it would be the offender who controls when forgiveness is possible. On the contrary, the person who forgives is reasserting their power in the wake of an offense committed against them.  It does not require the cooperation or even approval of the offender. 

Returning to our example above, there is often no remorse or willingness to do the extremely hard work of change on the part of an abusing spouse.  When this is true, the victim of the abuse will remain a victim until she finds a way to reassert her power.  As we will discuss later, forgiveness is a key component in reasserting power.  Where reconciliation is not an option on the table, forgiveness always is available.

Applying this principles to God’s forgiveness, you have been forgiven by God for whatever mistakes you have made in the past.  God did that unilaterally.  However, this does not imply that you have a relationship with God.  A relationship with God takes God and YOU participating.  Though God has initiated the relationship, it takes your response to confirm it.

 

Question:  How have you responded to God’s overtures at a relationship with you?

 

Prayer:    God, thank you for your forgiveness.  Thank you for loving me before I even gave You a thought.  I will respond to your love in the following ways today:  ____________ (fill in the prayer with your responses).  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for non-believers you know today. 

 

Song:  Just As I Am – Carrie Underwood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRbrK6Pydgs

Forgiveness Does Not Minimize the Seriousness of Sin(s)

 

Psalm 38:3-4, The Message

I’ve lost twenty pounds in two months

    because of your accusation.

My bones are brittle as dry sticks

    because of my sin.

I’m swamped by my bad behavior,

    collapsed under an avalanche of guilt.

 

                I encourage you to read all of Psalm 38 today even though I just included a couple of verses of it above. It is a poignant description of how devastating sin can be upon a soul.  You can sense David’s pain as he reflects on the effects his mistakes have had upon his life and well-being.  This brings up another important clarification concerning forgiveness.  Forgiveness does no in any way minimize the seriousness of our sin.  God’s forgiveness of us does not instantly make the sin in our life not so bad.

                Forgiveness is not an excusal, minimization, or justification of a wrong.  It is not calling a wrong right or even okay.  From time to time, people have apologized to me for something they did that was hurtful and my minimizing response is “it’s okay.”  That’s not forgiveness.  That’s me trying to eliminate the uncomfortable feeling between me and the offender. I am guilty of bringing out this imposter of forgiveness often because I want the discomfort to go away.  But all too often, the offense continues to hurt me after I have said that “it’s okay.”  In fact, I have noticed that sometimes, it’s even worse because now I have told the offender that their offense was “okay” and they may even feel forgiven.

The problem is that no forgiveness has actually taken place.  The offender believes she is forgiven and yet, I am still holding onto the offense. It is precisely because something happened that was not okay that forgiveness is needed.  Forgiveness is the technology we use to move through and beyond the wrong that has occurred.  Forgiveness makes a healed and restored life possible after the offense.  Even after we have received God’s forgiveness, God does not look back at what happened and say, “that was ok.”  Because it was NOT okay, God chose to forgive. 

God has forgiven your sin.  That promise is made dozens of times in scripture.  However, the expectation is that, as we accept God’s forgiveness, we also accept God’s help in moving away from the sin that entangled us.  Forgiveness is given so that we may be free and we have a role to play in our freedom.  We work to replace the unhealthy habits in our life with life-giving habits that God teaches us.

 

Questions:  Have you been able to accept God’s forgiveness for past mistakes?  In what way are you moving away from those mistakes?

 

Prayer:  Like David Lord, our sins have caused us and are causing us pain.  Help us accept your forgiveness and help us know what steps we can make to move toward life as you have taught us. Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for the families of people who have committed suicide.

 

Song:  Take Time To Be Holy – Mormon Tabernacle Choir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYLpkRT5Nzw

Forgiveness is Not Approval

 

Forgiveness is Not Approval

 

Colossians 1:21-22, CEB - Once you were alienated from God and you were enemies with him in your minds, which was shown by your evil actions.  But now he has reconciled you by his physical body through death, to present you before God as a people who are holy, faultless, and without blame.

 

I was called up for jury duty several years ago.  I reported to the assigned place at the assigned time and was directed to a waiting room.  After a bit, a bunch of us were ushered into a courtroom and after some formalities that I cannot recall, the lawyers for both sides of the case began asking us questions.  The case that they were working to form a jury for involved a man accused of stealing money from his employer.  This was evidently not his first time being accused of such a crime and it seemed to me that this fact was something very important to the lawyers.  I was in the second row of potential jurors and they questioned us in order, so I heard many questions asked before they got to me. It was clear from the questions asked that the lawyers had at least some basic information about each of us.  When it came to be my turn to answer questions, there were just two.  Question 1 was to confirm that my occupation was that of a pastor. 

“So you believe in forgiveness right?,” was the follow-up from the prosecutor.

“I do,” responding before I knew that I had just eliminated myself as a potential juror.

“Ok, thank you,” she said as she moved on to the next person.

I can’t be sure of the precise train-of-thought that the well-dressed woman charged with getting a conviction of this accused thief, but one thing was clear to me from our exchange.  She was not looking for someone who “believed in” forgiveness to serve on the jury.  Forgiveness, in her mind, would stand in the way of her doing her job.  Consequently, I was not chosen for the jury.  To be honest, that had been my hope when I arrived at the courthouse that morning, but I left that day sad about how my wish had come true. I was sad because I realized that the prosecutor was not the only person who had no use for forgiveness. 

In my work, I had encountered many who expressed no desire to forgive things done to them by others.  The reasons that are often given betray a tragic misunderstanding of what forgiveness is and what it is not.  So that is where a discussion must begin. Once forgiveness is understood for what it is and what it isn’t, it will not only seem much more useful, it will prove to be an essential spiritual, emotional, and relational technology.

First of all, forgiveness is not approval.  I don’t have to approve of what you did in order to forgive you.  In fact, approval and forgiveness almost never coincide when referencing a harmful act.  I say almost never because I can imagine one scenario where one has done something to me that is harmful, but at some point, I realize they knowingly harmed me in order to save many others from harm.  If I can get to a more mature understanding of the larger context, I may in fact reach the point where I could say that I approved of what they did. I might even applaud their ability to make such a hard decision.  However, even if I approve of their action, my approval does not constitute forgiveness.  Approval and forgiveness are two different things.

If I have to approve of what was done to harm me, I might never forgive. To my knowledge, the exception I described above has never occurred in my life.  A similar exception has occurred though.  I have been rejected as a candidate for a job for which I was applying.  The experience was painful.  It was indeed caused by the decision of the hiring manager.  I did indeed hold the manager responsible for my pain (and I still do).  Over time, I was able to forgive him. Part of what helped me in the forgiveness process is being able to realize that he was genuinely trying to make the best choice for the job he was responsible for filling.  I forgive him the pain he caused me, but I still don’t approve of what he did.  It is very possible that I’m wrong, but I still believe I was the best person for the job. Once again forgiveness and approval are not synonymous. 

This should be good news for many.  If I could have explained this to the prosecutor in my opening story, she would have known that I would have had no problem finding the defendant guilty of theft if the facts of the case had supported that verdict.  The victims of all kinds of violence never have to approve of the brutality leveled at them.  Those who have suffered every kind of injustice never have to approve of their oppressors’ actions. However, it is possible and I argue, beneficial for all those I just mentioned to forgive their offenders’ actions of which they will never give approval.  It is never necessary to approve of an action in order to forgive it.  

God does not approve of our sins. Our sins do break our relationship with God.  Because of that, it is necessary for those sins to be forgiven.  That is exactly what God has done.  But we do not mistake being forgiven for those mistakes as God saying it was alright to make them.  Forgiveness is not approval.

 

Questions:  To what extent has the line between forgiveness and approval become blurred for you?

 

Prayer:  God, I acknowledge that without your forgiveness, You and I could not have a relationship.  Thank you for your gracious gift of forgiveness.  In response, I will strive to live a life that meets your approval.  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for those who are struggling with the consequences of failed relationships

 

Song:  Jesus, Friend of Sinners – Casting Crowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st3CaUMH8zI

Easter - Forgiveness Revolution

Easter - Forgiveness Revolution

 

Psalm 103:8-13, CEB - The Lord is compassionate and merciful,

    very patient, and full of faithful love.

God won’t always play the judge;

    he won’t be angry forever.

He doesn’t deal with us according to our sin

    or repay us according to our wrongdoing,

because as high as heaven is above the earth,

    that’s how large God’s faithful love is for those who honor him.

As far as east is from west—

    that’s how far God has removed our sin from us.

Like a parent feels compassion for their children—

    that’s how the Lord feels compassion for those who honor him.

 

                Today, on the second day of Easter (Easter is a season of 50 days, not just one day), we begin a series devotional reflections on the different facets of forgiveness.  With all the conflict, hate, division and violence taking center stage in our world today, forgiveness is more important than ever.  There are so many misunderstandings regarding forgiveness that keep people from experiencing it and practicing it; we will walk through those biblically with the goal of developing this discipline as one of the distinguishing characteristics of the Christian community.  So here we go.

                Any discussion of forgiveness begins with God, just as any discussion of love begins with God.  As creatures made in the image of God, if God isn’t forgiving, than we don’t have a chance at being forgiven or practicing forgiveness ourselves.  So the character of God is where the possibility of forgiveness being part of creation is where we begin.  The core question is, “Is God One who forgives naturally as part of God’s character?” 

                For people of faith through the ages, the answer hasn’t always been yes.  Even now, many people believe God to be essentially angry toward those who transgress.  In many present Christians traditions, there is almost a distinction made between the God of the Old Testament (the God of the Hebrews) and the God of the New Testament (the God of the Christians).  OT (Old Testament) God is angry at those who sin and demands sacrifice and penance before relenting in that wrath.  NT (New Testament) God seems to have “learned” to be more forgiving.  Perhaps, NT God has been satisfied with the sacrifice and penance of offered by God’s own Son Jesus on the cross on behalf of all humanity.  Because of Jesus’s offering, no more sacrifices are needed to diminish God’s wrath.  God can now love and forgive us because of what Jesus did.  It is a conservative estimate that more than half of Christian theological traditions talk about God that way. 

                Here’s just one problem with that (there are many others).  It assumes that God’s core character toward us, God’s flawed and fumbling creatures, is anger and frustration, not love.  It assumes that God’s “mind and heart” have to be changed about us before we can have a proper loving relationship with God.  It is God that has to change for a loving divine-human relationship to be possible, not us.  This is highly problematic for obvious reasons.  I don’t know about you, but I’m real uncomfortable with the notion that God had to change God’s mind about me and I don’t have to change at all.  So for me, any notion that God’s core character is not loving and forgiving towards us even in the midst of our imperfection and sinfulness is backwards. 

                Fortunately, even in the Old Testament, there are minority voices that dispute the angry nature of OT God.  The above psalm, written by King David of the Hebrews, is one of them.  David is a poster child of flawed humanity.  He is one described as a “man after God’s own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14), but he stole the wife of one on his officers, had that man killed, and then tried to cover it up.  At the same time, David is the author of many amazingly eloquent psalms about the nature of God that he served.  In the one above, David speaks of God as One whose essential stance towards humanity is love and forgiveness. 

                David is not alone in this view, even among the authors of the Old Testament.  We shall get to some of those important voices as we go through this series of reflections on forgiveness, but for today, I just encourage us to begin to consider the core thought I have tied to express here today.  God is not angry with us until God’s mind is changed;  God loves us and is waiting to forgive us because that is essentially who God is.  God IS love.  God is the inventor of forgiveness. 

 

Questions:  What are your assumptions about the God’s core nature?  Does God need to change who God is in order for you and God to have a relationship?

 

Prayer:  God, may we know You as You truly are at Your core. Thank you for the victory and celebration of Easter.  Show us you heart so that our relationship with You may flourish and deepen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for peace in all the places of deep conflict in the world today.

 

Song:  You Are Good - Israel Houghton (LIVE RECORDING)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=708opj5poOc

Good Friday (post from Richard Rohr)

 Good Friday (post from Richard Rohr)

 

Today, I share a devotional from Richard Rohr that was written for Good Friday 2020 (at the beginning of the pandemic) that speaks deeply to me still.  My prayer is that it speaks to you as well

 

Fr. Richard Rohr, Director of the Center for Action and Contemplation

It is true that you are going to die, and yet “I am certain of this, neither death nor life, nothing that exists, nothing still to come, not any power, not any height nor depth, nor any created thing can ever come between us and the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39).

 

On Good Friday, we lament Jesus’ death while living in hope that death does not have the last word on our destiny. We are born with a longing, desire, and deep hope that this thing called life could somehow last forever. It is a premonition from something eternal that is already within us. Some would call it the soul. Christians would call it the indwelling presence of God. It is God within us that makes us desire and seek God. 

Yes, we are going to die, but we have already been given a kind of inner guarantee and promise right now that death is not final—and it takes the form of love. Deep in the heart and psyche, love, both human and divine, connotes something eternal and gratuitous, and it does so in a deeply mysterious and compelling way. We are seeing this now in simple acts of love in this time of crisis, such as people volunteering to make masks and deliver food, or people cheering hospital workers arriving for their shift.  Isn’t it amazing how a small act of love or gratitude can imprint a deeper knowing on our soul?

The crucifixion of Jesus is the preeminent example of God’s love reaching out to us. It is at the same moment the worst and best thing in human history. The Franciscans, led by John Duns Scotus (1266-1308), even claimed that instead of a “necessary sacrifice,” the cross was a freely chosen revelation of Total Love on God’s part.

In so doing, they reversed the engines of almost all world religion up to that point, which assumed that we had to spill blood to get to a distant and demanding God. On the cross, the Franciscans believed, God was “spilling blood” to reach out to us! This is a sea change in consciousness. The cross, instead of being a transaction, was seen as a dramatic demonstration of God’s outpouring love, meant to utterly shock the heart and turn it back toward trust and love of the Creator.

I believe that the cross is an image for our own time, and every time: we are invited to gaze upon the image of the crucified Jesus to soften our hearts toward all suffering. Amidst the devastating spread of COVID-19, the cross beckons us to what we would call “grief work,” holding the mystery of pain, looking right at it, and learning from it. With softened hearts, God leads us to an uncanny and newfound compassion and understanding. 

 

Questions:

What word or phrase resonates with or challenges me? What sensations do I notice in my body? What is mine to do?

 

Prayer for Our Community:

O Great Love, thank you for living and loving in us and through us. May all that we do flow from our deep connection with you and all beings. Help us become a community that vulnerably shares each other’s burdens and the weight of glory. Listen to our hearts’ longings for the healing of our world. [Please add your own intentions.] . . . Knowing you are hearing us better than we are speaking, we offer these prayers in all the holy names of God, amen.

 

Song:  Were You There?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpSScICWJ9M

Maundy Thursday/Foot-Washing

 

Maundy Thursday/Foot-Washing

 

John 13:1-8, NIV - It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God;  so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

 

                The gospel of John is the only place we find an account to Jesus washing the disciples feet.  In John’s narrative, this surprising event takes place on the night before Jesus’s crucifixion.  Today, millions of Christians remember that night with various Maundy Thursday observances.  In many traditions, a foot-washing service is a part.  It’s been many years since I personally have participated or led in such a service and I won’t be doing such a thing today.  However,  I think this story is important for us to consider and can teach us an essential element of the gospel we proclaim today.  Let’s highlight a couple of things from this story.

                First, John introduces the story with the following sentence:

                “Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.”

What Jesus is about to do is an expression of Jesus’s love for His people.  It isn’t to teach them an object lesson.  He washes their dirty, nasty feet to show them the very nature of God’s love.  God’s love is not above getting down on the knees and cleaning the filth out from between our toes.

                The last time I remember participating in a foot-washing service, I, as the Pastor washed the feet of my Lay Leader, a man in his eighties.  His feet were not all that dirty, but what I remember was how bad they smelled.  He had yellow toenails and they badly needed to be clipped.  That experience might be the reason that I haven’t suggested foot-washing since then.  I’m only half-kidding. The idea of doing that again doesn’t sit well with me.

                Our faith tells us that entering into that kind of messiness is not something that sits well with God either.  But God does it anyway because of Love.  Love, as defined by God, is not unwilling to deal with the undesirable funk of our humanity.  I know I’m using visceral language that might make some uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable to write it.  But that leads to the other detail in this story for which we should take notice:

                “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

                It wasn’t the fact that Jesus was doing “servant’s work” by washing Peter’s feet that made Peter uncomfortable.  It was that it was extremely unnerving to have the Son of God dealing with Peter’s “dirt.”  Peter had to allow Jesus to clean up Peter’s messiness.  Can you imagine Jesus proposing to do the same with you?

                I don’t want anybody washing my feet.  I sure anyone in the more serious mess of my life.  But the message from Jesus that I, and perhaps you, need to hear today is we “have no part in [Jesus}” is we do not allow God into our mess, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.  The Great Physician cannot heal us if we don’t allow access to the mess. 

 

Question:  Can we allow God into the most embarrassing aspects of our humanity?

 

Prayer:  God, I admit that I identify with Peter’s objection to you washing his feet.  Help me let go of any pride I have and allow you into the most embarrassing aspects of my life so that your can heal it with Your Love.  Amen.

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for millions of refugees that have been driven from their homes

 

Song:  Lord I Come (Wash my feet) – David Brackenbury

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9a9MBuJLGo

Working the List

Working the List

 

“Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12

 

“For a good confession three things are necessary: an examination of conscience, sorrow, and a determination to avoid sin.”                       St. Alphonsus Liguori

 

Yesterday, I asked you to come up with a short list of “some unhelpful or unhealthy patterns of behavior in your life.”  If you missed yesterday, think about that list now.  What are some patterns of thought and/or behavior that you know aren’t good for you or others around you?  This is the step one of confession; AA calls this a “fearless moral inventory.”  The goal is to be brutally honest with ourselves about where we fall short. 

Usually, this leads to regret, or sorrow.  We find ourselves wishing things could have been different.  We often feel very sorry.  It’s important not to skip over this, but it’s also important not to get stuck here.  My experience and things that people have shared with me over the years tells me we often get mired in the sorrow.  The “recordings” of the wrongdoing keep playing over and over in our head and throw us into an endless spiral of shame.  Perhaps, even those who we’ve hurt are committed to making sure we are reminded of our sins on a regular basis.  Shame, however, is no basis for a restored relationship, whether it’s with God or with other people.  It’s important to move to the next step, which is a determination to do better.  Where this determination is absent, we ask God to nurture it in us. 

The desire to be on a better path is necessary, but we must not confuse that desire for things to be different with the power to make it so.  That power comes from God, not us.  We have to want that power to work in our lives though.  Once we are at the point where we are convinced that “things have to change,” we invite God to do the surgery.  We ask for forgiveness and for “deliverance from evil.”  And then as Paul states in the scripture above, we “work out our salvation” trusting that God’s redemptive power is doing the work along with us.  We also trust in God’s forgiveness which frees us not only from the sin itself, but also the spiral of shame.  We exhibit this trust by moving to stop replaying those recordings of self-condemnation and replace them with reminders of hope and deliverance.  It is rarely instantaneous, but be must commit to this crucial transition.

Today, we remember, among other things, that Jesus spent some time in the Garden of Gethsemane in fervent prayer.  I invite you to do the same working with your list and asking for God’s will to be done, not your own.  Until tomorrow.

 

Prayer:  Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:24)

 

Prayer Focus:  Pray for health care workers and teachers today.

 

Song:  Take Time to Be Holy – Islington Baptist Church Choir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFApbg-wcmE

 

Confession is Good for the Soul

Confession is Good for the Soul 

“The usual notion of what Jesus did on the cross runs something like this: people were so bad and so mean and God was so angry with them that He could not forgive them unless somebody big enough took the rap for the whole lot of them.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Love, not anger, brought Jesus to the cross. Golgotha came as a result of God’s great desire to forgive, not His reluctance. Jesus knew that by His vicarious suffering He could actually absorb all the evil of humanity and so heal it, forgive it, redeem it.”                                          Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

 

Picking up from yesterday, God is not angry with you. He loves you and always has.  I always remember a billboard someone put up in their yard in the Orlando area where we used to live:  “God loves you; get over it.” 

 

So then what is the role of confession? It is our role in the process that God has laid out for healing and transformation.  “So,” you may ask, “we have a role in God’s healing and transformation?”  Yes, hear these two scriptures:

 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”                  1 John 1:9

“They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.”                                                                                               1 Peter 2:23-25

 

The highlighted text in 1 Peter above is a quote from the Old Testament book of Isaiah.  Peter takes this image from the Old Testament to reaffirm that healing our sins (not punishing someone for them) has always been God’s attitude towards us.  However, he doesn’t force that healing upon us.  Confession is our role in inviting God into our life and all that goes with it, including our sin.  Only when God has been invited, will He come in and begin to heal the sin and put us on a path toward a better and more whole life. 

 

But here’s the trouble.  Most never actually invite God INTO their sin.  Like Adam and Eve in the first Garden, we hide.  It feels scary to let God into the darkest parts of ourselves.  It’s like letting a surgeon put us under helpless anesthesia and work on us with a crazy sharp knife.  In order to do that, we have to trust that surgeon implicitly and trust that she has good intentions.  You see where I’m going with this, so let’s go there.

 

Do you trust that God loves you, wants to heal your darkness, and is actually capable of doing it?  Until your answer to that is “Yes,”  confession will be a discipline you avoid.  If your answer is “yes,” here’s your homework for tomorrow;  make a short list (I emphasize “short” – only 2, maybe three things) of some unhelpful or unhealthy patterns if behavior in your life.    If you fear writing that down anywhere, just keep the list in your mind.  But come tomorrow ready to work with your list.

 

Prayer:  God, show me the “dark places” that I have kept you out of in my life.  Inspire in me the trust to let you do your healing work in those places.

 

Prayer focus:  Pray for yourself today.  Spend at least of few minutes sharing the deepest concerns of your heart.

 

Song:  Reckless Love (Cover by Chad Graham)

https://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=YWGZDLNX

Is God Angry?

Is God Angry?

Note: For Holy Week, I will be posting selected repeats from a couple of years ago.  We will begin a new series next week after Easter Sunday.  

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.”
                                                                                                John 3:16-18, The Message
 
Today, we begin a discussion about confession.   Confession doesn’t enjoy a lot of attention in Methodist circles.  The reality is that it often makes us nervous.  To talk about confession, we have to talk about sin and we would rather talk about forgiveness and love.  I say we, but I really mean me.  But I’m guessing I’m not the only one.
 
I don’t like talking about sin because it makes me uncomfortable on so many levels.  I’m all too aware that I’m not who God wants me to be.  I’m not even who I want to be and my standards are so much lower than God’s.  I know I let God down. I know I let other people down.  I let myself down all the time.  I am a sinner, but I don’t like to say it.  It seems so depressing because I can’t seem to do anything about it.  So I’d rather not talk about it. 
 
Coupled with this aversion to talk about my imperfection is a notion that I gained from my earliest Christian education.  I heard over and over that God also knew about my sin and was angry about it.  I, and so many of you, were taught that God’s anger was why Jesus had to come and do what he did.  Jesus was taking the punishment for us.  Jesus was absorbing God’s anger so God would no longer be angry with me.  In fact, with all of that anger taken care of by Jesus, God is now able to love me.  That’s the basic gist that I was taught.   Confession, in this way of thinking, is simply a matter of accepting what Jesus did for me.  I simply own my own guilt and swap it for God’s love, an exchange made possible by Jesus dying on the cross.   A simple once and for all transaction.
 
Over time, through the disciplines, I came to know God in a different way.  I realized that God didn’t need a cosmic scapegoat named Jesus in order for Him to love me.  He loved me from the beginning. He has never not loved me.  Read these words form John 3 again:
 
“God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.”
 
God sees my sin (and your sin) and is not angry but is filled with compassion and a desire to help me.  God knows that my sin is hurting myself, hurting others, and keeping me from relating to Him.  Most parents understand this divine impulse. You see your children making mistakes and how it robs them of what could be and you want to help them.  God feels that same impulse for each of us, but a million times more than we could ever understand.  Jesus came to help, not by simply taking a beating for us, but to help us understand the depths of God’s love.  To begin to understand this love is to see that this love has the power to save us from ourselves.  I can’t do anything about my sin, but God’s love can heal it.  Confession, in this way of thinking, is a whole new ball game.  But we’ll talk more about that tomorrow. 
 
For now, spend whatever time you can give today meditating on the fact that God is not and has not ever been angry with you.  God’s posture towards you since you were formed in your mother’s womb has been love, love, and more love.  Dwell on that today and we’ll talk some more tomorrow. 
 
Prayer:  God, thank you for your love.  Help me understand it better so that is can heal my brokenness and the brokenness of the world. Amen.
 
Prayer focus:  Spend some time thanking God for the good things that are happening right now in the world in the midst of the obvious chaos.
 
Song:  To Make You Feel My Love (Cover by Garth Brooks)  This is not a Christian song, but I’m inviting you to reimagine it.  As you hear the words, imagine that God is singing them to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FlSP0wsF5U